lilysea: (Indignant)
[personal profile] lilysea in [community profile] agonyaunt
Q: I’m supposed to be a bridesmaid in a very conservative wedding. I said yes a while ago to a friend that I’ve always “agreed to disagree” with. But since then I’ve come out as bi/pan to most people in my life and I have a girlfriend. The bride doesn’t know because it seemed safer to tell her after the wedding because I’ve heard her say homophobic things about sin and hell.

But things have gotten more complicated. I injured my leg and when I told her about it and asked if I could sit for the several hour long ceremony she told me I shouldn’t be a bridesmaid anymore. I’m hurt that she would kick me out of her wedding because I’m injured and I’ve already spent a lot on her gift, a flight there, etc. I’m not sure I can change my flight either (I had to be there several days early as a bridesmaid and I’m supposed to share a hotel room with her, I don’t think I can afford a room myself). My friends said if I don’t go to her wedding at all now I’m probably throwing away the friendship. I feel like she’s the one doing that by kicking me out over something I can’t control.

More than that, I’m afraid that if I go as a guest or try to suck up the pain to stand during the ceremony as a bridesmaid, that she will ultimately reject my friendship anyway when I do come out to her and I don’t want to put in all this time for nothing. If she rejects me for an injury it seems easy enough to reject me for being queer too since I know she thinks that’s a sin. I don’t know what to do.

A: Ayyyyy. I humbly submit that your first order of business is calling about your flight. Just see what the deal is there.

And wow yeah, she does sound like the kind of person who would reject you because of your queerness! What do you want to do? Like what feels like a decision you could live with. If I were in your position, I would slap a shipping label on that gift and take myself out for a milkshake. If I were in your position and feeling especially obligated for some reason, I’d change my flight to arrive closer to the actual wedding date, get my own hotel room, and be the cutest happiest friendliest son of a bitch at that party, where I would talk openly about my darling girlfriend and share my thoughts on a single-payer system and how abortion bans are class warfare, then leave with an air of smug superiority the likes of which that town had never seen.

Do what makes you feel like the best version of yourself, whether that’s protecting your feelings by not attending, or taking one on the chin to avoid a fallout. Make the decision you can live with, but above all else please know that you deserve friends who care more about your injured leg than the optics of a wedding party. Also, you know who has ceremonies that last for several hours when that shit can easily be handled in 45 minutes or less? Showboating assholes, that’s who. THERE I SAID IT.

https://www.autostraddle.com/yall-need-help-12-the-straight-girl-is-back-3985543/

(no subject)

Oct. 23rd, 2017 12:37 am
beccaelizabeth: my Watcher tattoo in blue, plus Be in red Buffy style font (Default)
[personal profile] beccaelizabeth
I think one of the reasons I ever wanted to go to college was that living on campus seems pretty ideal. Not that I ever could. And student rooms are tiny, I need more room for my books.

But:

Walking everywhere, No Cars, places that make breakfast and other foods, small shops (probably too small but the dream has actual food supplies in it), book shops, and a really big library. Plus rooms for to be social and book games nights and so forth. And interesting stuff to study and things to do. And you can go look in the art museum whenever you want to. And just, university campus, all the useful and necessary things, no waiting.

Too many humans, vast majority young, too much noise, weird focus on loud music events, probably lots of stuff going on I couldnt be having with.

But as a daydream, that's what I want. No cars, big library, places to meet.




But I got a degree in a subject I'm kind of Done with, because I get bored tired fed up pointing out all the ways things continue to be the same sorts of annoying.

And I remember how difficult that was and cant even aspire to go do it again in possibly bigger classes.

I don't know how I coped with all the humans but I'm not feeling the benefit side of the cost/benefit any more.



I can think of all the reasons to not do things but then the future will continue to look like the past few years and that's really boring.

I should dream better.

Interesting things to read, people to talk to them about, and places I can get to without crossing a stupid road. Good dream.

I have become a podcast addict

Oct. 22nd, 2017 04:02 pm
mme_hardy: White rose (Default)
[personal profile] mme_hardy
Apart from everybody's favorite (right?) comedy/D&D podcast "The Adventure Zone", I mostly prefer history. 

There are a lot of bad -- and beloved, in some cases -- history podcasts in which the author postures, makes bad jokes, and assumes you don't know much and only want to know a little more.    Two exceptions to this are "The History of the Mongols", which is excellent and clear and takes a fair amount of concentration, and "Revolutions",* which takes an in-depth look to various European revolutions starting with the English Civil War.   I've just gotten to Charles I leaving London for the last time (although he doesn't know it).

If there were ever a more shining counterexample to the Divine Right of Kings than Charles I, it has to be one of the monarchs who was actually insane or intellectually disabled.

* Revolutions' podcaster, Mike Duncan, is known for an earlier history of Rome, which I haven't listened to but hear is excellent.

If you like true crime that is dispassionate rather than overblown, I highly, highly recommend "True Crime Japan".   The podcasters are gaijin living in Japan, and they do an excellent job of explaining Japanese customs and cultural aspects that are relevant to how crimes took place.   These are not crimes that have been rehearsed over and over in English-speaking media -- no Ripper, Bundy, Lizzie Borden -- which makes them all the more engrossing.

All of the above are, of course, available on iTunes and other aggregators; I'm linking to the authors' sites.

Word Wars?

Oct. 22nd, 2017 04:09 pm
muccamukk: Diana as a child, riding her horse through a field. (WW: Horse)
[personal profile] muccamukk
Does anyone know a place to have word wars/sprints that isn't irc (which I can't get on) or Discord (which I'm avoiding)?

I have write or die, but some how the other people factor is really better for my productivity.

Drabble: Playtime

Oct. 22nd, 2017 05:35 pm
alisanne: (HD bring it)
[personal profile] alisanne
Title: Playtime
Author: [personal profile] alisanne
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 100 x 2
Characters/pairings: Harry Potter/Draco Malfoy.
Challenge: Written for [community profile] dracoharry100/[livejournal.com profile] dracoharry100's prompt 502: High.
This is part 84 of my H/D Auror Series (LJ/IJ/DW).
It starts at part one: The Beginning (LJ/IJ/DW).
Disclaimer: The characters contained herein are not mine. No money is being made from this fiction, which is presented for entertainment purposes only.
Beta(s): [personal profile] sevfan and emynn.
Authors Notes: Draco ups the stakes.

Playtime )

Book about a changeling child

Oct. 22nd, 2017 05:55 pm
soundofsunlight: Poppies at sunset, my default icon. (Default)
[personal profile] soundofsunlight in [community profile] findthatbook
There are folk tales of fairies stealing human babies and leaving a changeling in their place, and in this book, that was exactly what happened. The changeling is the main character, so the story is from her point of view. She is a thin and sickly child, and she has an unhappy childhood because everyone is suspicious of her being a changeling (and they are correct). She does have one friend, though; I can't remember why he is friends with her when everyone else shuns her. He might be an orphan or something?

Anyway, since she's so unhappy in her life, she decides to run away and find the land of the fairies, and her loyal friend goes with her. They rescue the girl who was stolen to be a servant to the fairies, and take her home to her parents, and then...I think she and her friend continue traveling, since they don't really fit in anywhere, except with each other.

Based on other books I was reading at the time, and what I remember of the physical book, I think the book I'm looking for would have been published somewhere between the 1940s and 60s. Maaaybe 70s at the latest.

(no subject)

Oct. 22nd, 2017 03:27 pm
scriggle: (Default)
[personal profile] scriggle
Killing time on a sunday afternoon.

I seem to have an aversion to the south. :-)

Create Your Own Visited States Map


I obviously need to visit more of Canada.

Create Your Own Visited Provinces and Territories Map

recipe weekend

Oct. 22nd, 2017 12:18 pm
kindkit: A late-Victorian futuristic zeppelin. (Default)
[personal profile] kindkit
1) Something I've cooked recently

Yesterday, inspired by a pie that somebody (I can't remember who, Wikipedia isn't helping, and I'm too lazy to go back and rewatch) made on this year's Great British Bake Off, I made a butternut squash and blue cheese pie that turned out fairly well. The flavor is great, but I had some Onion Issues. details under the cut )

Today, inspired by a craving for soup, a craving for veggies, and a feeling that I should really use my bag of bonito flakes that is three months past its sell-by date, I'm cooking a soup of vegetables and eggs simmered in dashi. Right now I'm simmering the eggs in some dashi flavored with Japanese light (light-colored) soy sauce and some sherry (I didn't have mirin or sake). When the eggs are ready, I'm going to simmer yellow squash, some butternut squash chunks I didn't roast yesterday, a sweet potato, maybe some regular potato, and some Chinese cabbage in plain dashi and then add the simmered eggs--I'll keep their simmering liquid to eat with noodles another time--and some miso paste at the end. No tofu, alas, because I forgot to buy any, but basically this is a cross between a Korean soybean paste stew and a Japanese oden, and to further disrespect both traditions I'm probably going to eat it with soba noodles. I expect it to be deliciously wrong.

The last sweet baking I did was this upside-down pear gingerbread. I mostly followed the recipe, apart from adjusting the spices (more powdered ginger, no cinnamon, and a little nutmeg) and using blackstrap molasses. Blackstrap is the kind that recipes advise you not to use, because it's less sweet and more bitter and mineral-y than normal molasses. But I had some that needed using up, and I actually really liked the result. If, like me, you tend to find cakes too sweet, that's the way to go. The cake freezes quite well, by the way.


2) Something I have concrete plans to cook in the near future:

This fantastic apple cake, probably next weekend.


3) Something I vaguely intend to cook someday:

More apple things, such as apple dumplings, which I have longed to make for years but never have because I did not own an apple corer. But I do now!

I need to figure out some kind of way to use the peach-and-cherry compote that's taking up space in my freezer. And I should make a pie with the jars of sour cherries I bought a while back because they were cheap.

Plus I want to make all the soups and all the savory pies. I'm feeling enthusiastic about late autumn and winter cooking.

Not much cooking

Oct. 22nd, 2017 08:18 pm
oursin: The Accomplisht Ladies' Delight  frontispiece with a red cross through it (No cooking)
[personal profile] oursin

I made a Psomi loaf during the week, and brown grated apple rolls with molasses and mixed spice for Saturday breakfast.

And then last night my innards were in upheaval, a situation that continued for a substantial part of today, and I was not feeling like food or cooking it.

Crime & Detectives Comm

Oct. 22nd, 2017 08:07 pm
lost_spook: (writing)
[personal profile] lost_spook in [site community profile] dw_community_promo


[community profile] mystery_mansion: a comm for all fictional mystery, crime and detective-related fandoms (in whatever medium). News, reviews, discussion, links, promotions, fests, fanworks of all kinds etc. etc.

The Grip of It, by Jac Jemc

Oct. 22nd, 2017 11:36 am
runpunkrun: dana scully reading jose chung's From Outer Space, text: read (reading)
[personal profile] runpunkrun
The Grip of It, by Jac Jemc:

Normal feels like a performance today, but we fake our way through, hopeful we'll grow into our actions.

That line comes from the end of the book, but even from the first page this story feels performative rather than sincere: The happy couple, moving into their first home. The happy couple, buying paint at the hardware store. The happy couple, being happy. It's superficial and uninteresting, as are the characters. The book is in first person, and husband and wife take turns as narrators, but it's impossible to tell who's in charge of what chapter unless one spouse specifically mentions the other; they're basically interchangeable for most of the book.

But maybe, I said to myself as I continued to read against my better judgment, they become more real when forced to confront the—

No. That did not happen. If anything they become even harder to relate to once the house starts acting up.

So they're useless, but the house? The house has all the hallmarks of being haunted: Ooh, who moved that vase. Ooh, what's that moaning noise. Ooh, the stain on the wall is spreading. The author ticks all the boxes on the checklist, but never builds on them. A misplaced vase, on its own, isn't scary. It's a signifier that doesn't signify anything. It's only half the equation. It's like being handed a fake cobweb and a plastic spider and being told it's a haunted house.

This book filled my hands with plastic spiders but failed to make a cohesive—or even engaging—story out of them. There's nothing meaningful at stake here. The house, for all its antics, is only slightly menacing, and its two indistinguishable narrators never made me feel anything but irritation.

Contains: Body horror, relationship horror, suggested domestic abuse, mental health issues, addiction (gambling), suicide attempts.

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